Abducted : an erotic tale

Ever since I was a child I'd been obsessed with sex. I had sex with Goldilocks, Little Red Riding Hood,Little Bo Peep,Rapunzel,fat Bessie Bunter; I had breathtaking sex every night with Cinderella , and when the stupid dwarves were not looking I shagged Snow White. I had sex with every chick in Playboy and ever one of the James Bond girls; I even did my French teacher who looked like an ox; I was the guy Juliet screwed when Romeo was away, I was Lady Chatterley's real secret lover, I was Cleopatra's sex slave , and what would the Queen of Sheba have done without me on her long trips. I screwed Marilyn Monroe,Ursula Andress, Tina Turner, Madonna, Wonderwoman, Indian chorus girls, Chinese kungfu film chicks, Beyonce, The Spice Girls; name the celebrity and I've probably fucked her. But I had never had a girlfriend, and that was one problem I was aiming to correct this night.

It was one of those Fridays when you think you’re better off dead. I mean nothing had gone right all week long. It had all been one massive bummer of a week and to top it all my date stood me up. Now imagine yourself standing outside the tube station in the depth of winter, clutching a bouquet of flowers, and looking like a proper asshole, only for it to dawn on you two hours later that your date wasn’t gonna come. Worse still, she’d switched off her mobile. And so there I was, hands buried deep in pockets and walking my misery back home at 8 ‘o’ clock in the cold night.

I had to pass by Clapham Commons, and the odd gay guy here and there mistaking me for their date. And I was really tempted to join up with these constant guys . Death to all women. Real bummer. However, this van came cruising by; quite hi-tech and James Bond-ish van ; and that was why I took so much interest in it. And also it was full of chicks - another reason why I took interest, though they were hooded and I couldn’t see much of them. And as if they were reading my mind, the van slowed down to a stop and the window came down. They were looking in my direction.
” Excuse me”, the driver called out to me. Now this was some come-uppance for a guy who’d just been stood up .So I’d approached the van with so much enthusiasm. Like I said, they were hooded , and appeared heading towards some fancy dress gig.
“Take us to you leader”, she said to me; and I thought that was cool. If they wanted to play fancy dress so did I.

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